Effective listening is more than simply avoiding the bad habit of interrupting others while they are speaking or finishing their sentences. It’s being content to listen to the entire thought of someone rather than waiting impatiently for your chance to respond.
In some ways, the way we fail to listen is symbolic of the way we live. We often treat communication as if it were a race. It’s almost like our goal is to have no time gaps between the conclusion of the sentences of the person we are speaking with and the beginning of our own.
Slowing down your responses and becoming a better listener aids you in becoming a more peaceful person. It takes pressure from you. If you think about it, you’ll notice that it takes an enormous amount of energy and is very stressful to be sitting at the edge of your seat trying to guess what the person in front of you (or on the telephone) is going to say so that you can fire back your response. But as you wait for the people you are communicating with to finish, as you simply listen more intently to what is being said, you’ll feel more relaxed, and so will the people you are talking to. They will feel safe in slowing down their own responses because they won’t feel in competition with you for “airtime”!
Not only will becoming a better listener make you a more patient person, it will also enhance the quality of your relationships. Everyone loves to talk to someone who truly listens to what they are saying.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Gems of Wisdom - Let others have the glory
There is something magical that happens to the human spirit, a sense of calm that comes over you, when you cease needing all the attention directed toward yourself and instead allow others to have the glory.
Our need for excessive attention is that ego-centered part of us that says, “Look at me. I’m special. My story is more interesting than yours.” It’s that voice inside of us that may not come right out and say it, but that wants to believe that “my accomplishments are slightly more important than yours.”
The ego is that part of us that wants to be seen, heard, respected and considered special, often at the expense of someone else. It’s the part of us that interrupts someone else’s story, or impatiently waits his turn to speak so that he can bring the conversation and attention back to himself. To varying degrees, most of us engage in this habit, much to our own detriment.
When you surrender your need to hog the glory, the attention you used to need from other people is replaced by a quiet inner confidence that is derived from letting other have it.
Our need for excessive attention is that ego-centered part of us that says, “Look at me. I’m special. My story is more interesting than yours.” It’s that voice inside of us that may not come right out and say it, but that wants to believe that “my accomplishments are slightly more important than yours.”
The ego is that part of us that wants to be seen, heard, respected and considered special, often at the expense of someone else. It’s the part of us that interrupts someone else’s story, or impatiently waits his turn to speak so that he can bring the conversation and attention back to himself. To varying degrees, most of us engage in this habit, much to our own detriment.
When you surrender your need to hog the glory, the attention you used to need from other people is replaced by a quiet inner confidence that is derived from letting other have it.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Gems of Wisdom - Be aware of the snowball effect of your thinking
Your negative and insecure thinking can spiral out of control. Have you ever noticed how uptight you feel when you’re caught up in your thinking? And, to top it off, the more absorbed you get in the details of whatever is upsetting you, the worse you feel. One thought leads to another, and yet another, until at some point, you become incredibly agitated.
Needless to say, it’s impossible to feel peaceful with your head full of concerns and annoyances. The solution is to notice what’s happening in your head before your thoughts have a chance to build any momentum.
The sooner you catch yourself in the act of building your mental snowball, the easier it is to stop. You stop your train of thought before it has a chance to get going.
Needless to say, it’s impossible to feel peaceful with your head full of concerns and annoyances. The solution is to notice what’s happening in your head before your thoughts have a chance to build any momentum.
The sooner you catch yourself in the act of building your mental snowball, the easier it is to stop. You stop your train of thought before it has a chance to get going.
Gems of Wisdom - Real meaning of peace
There once was a king who offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of peace. Many artists tried. The king looked at all the pictures. But there were only two he really liked, and he had to choose between them.
One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror for peacefully towering mountains all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace.
The other picture had mountains, too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky, from which rain fell and in which lightning played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all. But when the king looked closely, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on the nest - in perfect peace.
Which picture do you think won the prize? The king chose the second picture. Do you know why?
"Because," explained the king, "peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace."
Lord Krishna says in the Bhagavad-gita (5.10):
One who is engaged in Krishna consciousness is then beyond contamination by sinful reactions, exactly as the lotus leaf, though remaining in the water, is not wet.
One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror for peacefully towering mountains all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace.
The other picture had mountains, too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky, from which rain fell and in which lightning played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all. But when the king looked closely, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on the nest - in perfect peace.
Which picture do you think won the prize? The king chose the second picture. Do you know why?
"Because," explained the king, "peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace."
Lord Krishna says in the Bhagavad-gita (5.10):
One who is engaged in Krishna consciousness is then beyond contamination by sinful reactions, exactly as the lotus leaf, though remaining in the water, is not wet.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Gems of Wisdom - Person hindering YOUR growth is dead!
One day all the employees reached the office and they saw a big advice on the door on which it was written:
“Yesterday the person who has been hindering your growth in this company passed away. We invite you to join the funeral”.
In the beginning, they all got sad for the death of one of their colleagues, but after a while they started getting curious to know who was that man who hindered the growth of his colleagues and the company itself.
The excitement in the gym was such that security agents were ordered to control the crowd within the room. The more people reached the coffin, the more the excitement heated up.
Everyone thought: “Who is this guy who was hindering my progress? Well, at least he died!”
One by one the thrilled employees got closer to the coffin, and when they looked inside it they suddenly became speechless. They stood nearby the coffin, shocked and in silence, as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul.
There was a mirror inside the coffin: everyone who looked inside it could see himself. There was also a sign next to the mirror that said: “There is only one person who is capable to set limits to your growth: IT IS YOU”.
Your life does not change when your boss changes, when your friends change, when your centre changes. Your life changes when YOU change, YOU become Krishna Conscious, when YOU go beyond your limiting beliefs.
“Yesterday the person who has been hindering your growth in this company passed away. We invite you to join the funeral”.
In the beginning, they all got sad for the death of one of their colleagues, but after a while they started getting curious to know who was that man who hindered the growth of his colleagues and the company itself.
The excitement in the gym was such that security agents were ordered to control the crowd within the room. The more people reached the coffin, the more the excitement heated up.
Everyone thought: “Who is this guy who was hindering my progress? Well, at least he died!”
One by one the thrilled employees got closer to the coffin, and when they looked inside it they suddenly became speechless. They stood nearby the coffin, shocked and in silence, as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul.
There was a mirror inside the coffin: everyone who looked inside it could see himself. There was also a sign next to the mirror that said: “There is only one person who is capable to set limits to your growth: IT IS YOU”.
Your life does not change when your boss changes, when your friends change, when your centre changes. Your life changes when YOU change, YOU become Krishna Conscious, when YOU go beyond your limiting beliefs.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Gems of Wisdom - When you say things in anger
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, you have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.
You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there." A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, you have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.
You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there." A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Gems of Wisdom - Winner never quits!
In 1962, four nervous young musicians played their first record audition for the executives of the Decca Recording Company. The executives were not impressed. While turning down this group of musicians, one executive said, "We don't like their sound. Guitars are on the way out." The group was called The Beatles.
When Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, he tried over 2000 experiments before he got it to work. A young reporter asked him how it felt to fail so many times. He said, "I never failed once. I invented the light bulb. It just happened to be a 2000-step process."
Wilma Rudolph was the 20th of 22 children. She was born prematurely and her survival was doubtful. When she was 4 years old, she contacted double pneumonia and scarlet fever, which left her with a paralyzed left leg. At age 9, she removed the metal leg brace she had been dependent on and began to walk without it. By 13 she had developed rhythmic walk, which doctors said was a miracle. That same year she decided to become a runner. She entered a race and came in last. For the next few years every race she entered, she came in last. Everyone told her to quit, but she kept on running. One day she actually won a race. And then another. From then on she won every race she entered. Eventually this little girl, who was told she would never walk again, went on to win three Olympic gold medals.
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired and success achieved.
You gain strength, experience and confidence by every experience where you really stop to look fear in the face. And remember, the finest steel gets sent through the hottest furnace. A winner is not one who never fails, but one who NEVER QUITS IN LIFE.
When Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, he tried over 2000 experiments before he got it to work. A young reporter asked him how it felt to fail so many times. He said, "I never failed once. I invented the light bulb. It just happened to be a 2000-step process."
Wilma Rudolph was the 20th of 22 children. She was born prematurely and her survival was doubtful. When she was 4 years old, she contacted double pneumonia and scarlet fever, which left her with a paralyzed left leg. At age 9, she removed the metal leg brace she had been dependent on and began to walk without it. By 13 she had developed rhythmic walk, which doctors said was a miracle. That same year she decided to become a runner. She entered a race and came in last. For the next few years every race she entered, she came in last. Everyone told her to quit, but she kept on running. One day she actually won a race. And then another. From then on she won every race she entered. Eventually this little girl, who was told she would never walk again, went on to win three Olympic gold medals.
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired and success achieved.
You gain strength, experience and confidence by every experience where you really stop to look fear in the face. And remember, the finest steel gets sent through the hottest furnace. A winner is not one who never fails, but one who NEVER QUITS IN LIFE.
Gems of Wisdom - Drinking enough water?
Water is an important structural component of skin cartilage, tissues and organs. For human beings, every part of the body is dependent on water. Our body comprises about 75% water: the brain has 85%, blood is 90%, muscles are 75%, kidney is 82% and bones are 22% water. The functions of our glands and organs will eventually deteriorate if they are not nourished with good, clean water.
The average adult loses about 2.5 litres water daily through perspiration, breathing and elimination. Symptoms of the body's deterioration begins to appear when the body loses 5% of its total water volume. In a healthy adult, this is seen as fatigue and general discomfort, whereas for an infant, it can be dehydrating. In an elderly person, a 5% water loss causes the body chemistry to become abnormal, especially if the percentage of electrolytes is overbalanced with sodium. One can usually see symptoms of aging, such as wrinkles, lethargy and even disorientation.
Continuous water loss over time will speed up aging as well as increase risks of diseases.
If your body is not sufficiently hydrated, the cells will draw water from your bloodstream, which will make your heart work harder. At the same time, the kidneys cannot purify blood effectively. When this happens, some of the kidney's workload is passed on to the liver and other organs, which may cause them to be severely stressed. Additionally, you may develop a number of minor health conditions such as constipation, dry and itchy skin, acne, nosebleeds, urinary tract infection, coughs, sneezing, sinus pressure, and headaches.
So, how much water is enough for you? The minimum amount of water you need is 2-3 liters everyday.
The average adult loses about 2.5 litres water daily through perspiration, breathing and elimination. Symptoms of the body's deterioration begins to appear when the body loses 5% of its total water volume. In a healthy adult, this is seen as fatigue and general discomfort, whereas for an infant, it can be dehydrating. In an elderly person, a 5% water loss causes the body chemistry to become abnormal, especially if the percentage of electrolytes is overbalanced with sodium. One can usually see symptoms of aging, such as wrinkles, lethargy and even disorientation.
Continuous water loss over time will speed up aging as well as increase risks of diseases.
If your body is not sufficiently hydrated, the cells will draw water from your bloodstream, which will make your heart work harder. At the same time, the kidneys cannot purify blood effectively. When this happens, some of the kidney's workload is passed on to the liver and other organs, which may cause them to be severely stressed. Additionally, you may develop a number of minor health conditions such as constipation, dry and itchy skin, acne, nosebleeds, urinary tract infection, coughs, sneezing, sinus pressure, and headaches.
So, how much water is enough for you? The minimum amount of water you need is 2-3 liters everyday.
Gems of Wisdom - Why Me?
Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS. From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed: "Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease"?
To this Arthur Ashe replied: The world over
5 Crore children start playing tennis,
50 Lakh learn to play tennis,
5 Lakh learn professional tennis,
50,000 come to the circuit,
5000 reach the grand slam,
50 reach Wimbledon,
4 to semi final,
2 to the finals,
When I was holding a cup I never asked GOD "Why me?"
And today in pain I should not be asking GOD "Why me?"
Be thankful to Krishna for 98% of good things in life.
To this Arthur Ashe replied: The world over
5 Crore children start playing tennis,
50 Lakh learn to play tennis,
5 Lakh learn professional tennis,
50,000 come to the circuit,
5000 reach the grand slam,
50 reach Wimbledon,
4 to semi final,
2 to the finals,
When I was holding a cup I never asked GOD "Why me?"
And today in pain I should not be asking GOD "Why me?"
Be thankful to Krishna for 98% of good things in life.
Gems of Wisdom - The 90/10 Principle
10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react. What does this mean?
We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. You determine the other 90%. How? By your reaction.
You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react. Let's use an example.
You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of milk onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened. What happens next will be determined by how you react. You curse. You harshly scold your daughter. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your wife and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus.
You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. After a 15-minute delay you arrive at school. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your wife and daughter.
Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the cup of hot milk cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did you cause it?
The answer is “C".
You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, getting stressed out etc.
The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle. The result? Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. Next time you react to any situation, remember the 90-10 principle.
We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. You determine the other 90%. How? By your reaction.
You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react. Let's use an example.
You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of milk onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened. What happens next will be determined by how you react. You curse. You harshly scold your daughter. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your wife and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus.
You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. After a 15-minute delay you arrive at school. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your wife and daughter.
Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the cup of hot milk cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did you cause it?
The answer is “C".
You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, getting stressed out etc.
The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle. The result? Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. Next time you react to any situation, remember the 90-10 principle.
Gems of Wisdom - If God allowed a life without any obstacles …
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared; he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gone as far as it could and it could go no farther.
Then the man decided to help the butterfly, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.
The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.
Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.
What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been.
Then the man decided to help the butterfly, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.
The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.
Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.
What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been.
Gems of Wisdom - Spiritual Thermostat – Maintain your own climate
Hammer it home to yourself, that the key to the matter of whether you are disturbed or tranquil, fearful or composed is not the external stimulus, whatever it may be, but your response and reaction. Your own response is what “makes” you feel fearful, anxious & insecure.
Do not emotionally respond to the scare “bells” in the environment. You are an “actor” not a “reactor”. We should not be like a ship that goes whichever way the wind happens to blow. We must keep our ship afloat and stable. Our ship must not be tossed and rocked and perhaps sunk by every passing wave, or even a serious storm.
Many times apart from the actual minor stimuli in the environment we respond to our own negative mental pictures. We impose our own negatives: This or that may happen; what if such & such happen. Stop scaring yourself to death with your own mental pictures.
We respond to these negative pictures as if they were present reality. Your nervous system can not tell the difference between a real experience and one that is vividly imagined. The proper response to worry pictures is to totally ignore them.
Our physical body has a built in thermostat, which maintains the inner temperature at a steady 98.6 degrees, regardless of the temperature in the environment. The weather around you may be freezing cold, or 110 degrees. Yet your body maintains its own climate – a steady 98.6. It is able to function properly in the environment because it does not take on the climate of the environment. Cold or hot – it maintains its own.
Likewise you don’t have to take on the outward climate. Use spiritual thermostat to maintain an emotional climate and atmosphere in spite of the bad emotional weather around you.
Do not emotionally respond to the scare “bells” in the environment. You are an “actor” not a “reactor”. We should not be like a ship that goes whichever way the wind happens to blow. We must keep our ship afloat and stable. Our ship must not be tossed and rocked and perhaps sunk by every passing wave, or even a serious storm.
Many times apart from the actual minor stimuli in the environment we respond to our own negative mental pictures. We impose our own negatives: This or that may happen; what if such & such happen. Stop scaring yourself to death with your own mental pictures.
We respond to these negative pictures as if they were present reality. Your nervous system can not tell the difference between a real experience and one that is vividly imagined. The proper response to worry pictures is to totally ignore them.
Our physical body has a built in thermostat, which maintains the inner temperature at a steady 98.6 degrees, regardless of the temperature in the environment. The weather around you may be freezing cold, or 110 degrees. Yet your body maintains its own climate – a steady 98.6. It is able to function properly in the environment because it does not take on the climate of the environment. Cold or hot – it maintains its own.
Likewise you don’t have to take on the outward climate. Use spiritual thermostat to maintain an emotional climate and atmosphere in spite of the bad emotional weather around you.
Gems of Wisdom - Reacting to criticism
So often we are immobilized by the slightest criticism. We treat it like an emergency, and defend ourselves as if we were in a battle.
When we react to criticism with a knee-jerk, defensive response, it hurts. We feel attacked, and we have a need to defend or to offer a counter criticism. We fill our minds with angry or hurtful thoughts directed at ourselves or at the person who is being critical. All this reaction takes an enormous amount of mental energy.
An incredibly useful exercise is to agree with criticism directed toward you. I'm not talking about turning into a doormat or ruining your self-esteem by believing all negativity that comes in your direction. There are many times when simply agreeing with criticism defuses the situation, satisfies a person's need to express a point of view, offers you a chance to learn something about yourself by seeing a grain of truth in another position, and, perhaps most important, provides you an opportunity to remain calm.
One of the first times I consciously agreed with criticism directed toward me was many years ago when a devotee said to me, "Sometimes you talk too much." I remember feeling momentarily hurt before deciding to agree. I responded by saying, "You're right, I do talk too much sometimes." In agreeing with him, I was able to see that he had a good point. I often do talk too much! What's more, my non-defensive reaction helped him to relax.
Reacting to criticism never makes the criticism go away. In fact, negative reactions to criticism often convince the person doing the criticizing that they are accurate in their assessment of you.
When we react to criticism with a knee-jerk, defensive response, it hurts. We feel attacked, and we have a need to defend or to offer a counter criticism. We fill our minds with angry or hurtful thoughts directed at ourselves or at the person who is being critical. All this reaction takes an enormous amount of mental energy.
An incredibly useful exercise is to agree with criticism directed toward you. I'm not talking about turning into a doormat or ruining your self-esteem by believing all negativity that comes in your direction. There are many times when simply agreeing with criticism defuses the situation, satisfies a person's need to express a point of view, offers you a chance to learn something about yourself by seeing a grain of truth in another position, and, perhaps most important, provides you an opportunity to remain calm.
One of the first times I consciously agreed with criticism directed toward me was many years ago when a devotee said to me, "Sometimes you talk too much." I remember feeling momentarily hurt before deciding to agree. I responded by saying, "You're right, I do talk too much sometimes." In agreeing with him, I was able to see that he had a good point. I often do talk too much! What's more, my non-defensive reaction helped him to relax.
Reacting to criticism never makes the criticism go away. In fact, negative reactions to criticism often convince the person doing the criticizing that they are accurate in their assessment of you.
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