Everything – the good and bad, pleasure and pain, approval and disapproval, achievements and mistakes, fame and shame – all come and go. Everything has a beginning and an ending and that’s the way it’s supposed to be.
Every experience you have ever had is over. Every thought you’ve ever had, started and finished. Every emotion and mood you’ve experienced has been replaced by another. You’ve been happy, sad, jealous, depressed, angry, in love, shamed, proud, and every other conceivable human feeling. Where did they all go? The answer is, no one really knows, all we know is that, eventually, everything comes and goes.
Our disappointment comes about in essentially two ways. When we’re experiencing pleasure we want it to last forever. It never does. Or, when we’re experiencing pain, we want it to go away – now. It usually doesn’t.
When something is happening that we enjoy, know that while it’s wonderful to experience the happiness it brings, it will eventually pass. And if you’re experiencing some type of pain or displeasure, know that this too shall pass. Keeping this awareness close to your heart is a wonderful way to maintain your perspective, even in the face of adversity.
Lord Krishna instructs in the Bhagavad-gita 2.14,
"O son of Kunti, the non-permanent appearance of happiness and distress, and their disappearance in due course, are like the appearance and disappearance of winter and summer seasons. They arise from sense perception, O scion of Bharata, and one must learn to tolerate them without being disturbed."
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Gems of Wisdom - Who or What is causing your problems?
When people fail, they often blame someone else for their failure. People blame others when they do poorly at work. Blame is also used to justify personal problems.
When you blame someone or something else, you actually make yourself weak and ineffective. You make yourself "effect" instead of being the "cause" of the situation. You give power to the person or thing you blame.
"Blaming something else makes that something else cause; and as that cause takes on power, the individual in the same act loses control and becomes effect."
For example, you lost a business contract and you blame your assistant. You are making your assistant more powerful than you. You might say, "My assistant messed up the appointment, "which is just another way of saying, "My assistant determines if I succeed or fail in keeping an appointment."
If you take responsibility, you would say, "I need to train my assistant so he doesn't make mistakes".
As another example, you might blame someone’s behavior for your stress and anxiety. This makes that person behavior responsible for your feelings. If you say, "That person ruined my mood," you are actually saying, "That person is so powerful that he can control my emotions."
If you wish to succeed in life, you have to end the blame game and accept responsibility for yourself. You only get ahead when you become "cause" over the situation and not the “effect”.
When you blame someone or something else, you actually make yourself weak and ineffective. You make yourself "effect" instead of being the "cause" of the situation. You give power to the person or thing you blame.
"Blaming something else makes that something else cause; and as that cause takes on power, the individual in the same act loses control and becomes effect."
For example, you lost a business contract and you blame your assistant. You are making your assistant more powerful than you. You might say, "My assistant messed up the appointment, "which is just another way of saying, "My assistant determines if I succeed or fail in keeping an appointment."
If you take responsibility, you would say, "I need to train my assistant so he doesn't make mistakes".
As another example, you might blame someone’s behavior for your stress and anxiety. This makes that person behavior responsible for your feelings. If you say, "That person ruined my mood," you are actually saying, "That person is so powerful that he can control my emotions."
If you wish to succeed in life, you have to end the blame game and accept responsibility for yourself. You only get ahead when you become "cause" over the situation and not the “effect”.
Gems of Wisdom - Look beyond behavior
Have you ever heard yourself, or someone else, say: "Don't mind, he didn't know what he was doing"? If so, you have been exposed to the wisdom of "looking beyond behavior."
While dealing with children, we all know very well the importance of - simple act of forgiveness. If we all based our love on children's behavior, it would often be difficult to love them at all. If love were based purely on behavior, then perhaps none of us would ever have been loved as a teenager!
Wouldn't it be nice if we could try to extend this same loving-kindness toward everyone we meet? Wouldn't we live in a more loving community if, when someone acted in a way that we didn't approve of, we could see their actions in a similar light as our teenager's bad behavior?
This doesn't mean that we walk around and pretend that everything is always wonderful, allow others to "walk all over us," or that we excuse or approve of negative behavior. Instead, it simply means having the perspective to give others the benefit of the doubt.
Know that when your assistant is moving slowly, he is probably having a bad day, or perhaps all of his days are bad. Looking beyond behavior gives us the perspective to not get upset and disappointed with every bad behavior of others.
While dealing with children, we all know very well the importance of - simple act of forgiveness. If we all based our love on children's behavior, it would often be difficult to love them at all. If love were based purely on behavior, then perhaps none of us would ever have been loved as a teenager!
Wouldn't it be nice if we could try to extend this same loving-kindness toward everyone we meet? Wouldn't we live in a more loving community if, when someone acted in a way that we didn't approve of, we could see their actions in a similar light as our teenager's bad behavior?
This doesn't mean that we walk around and pretend that everything is always wonderful, allow others to "walk all over us," or that we excuse or approve of negative behavior. Instead, it simply means having the perspective to give others the benefit of the doubt.
Know that when your assistant is moving slowly, he is probably having a bad day, or perhaps all of his days are bad. Looking beyond behavior gives us the perspective to not get upset and disappointed with every bad behavior of others.
Gems of Wisdom - Practice ignoring your negative thoughts
It has been estimated that the average human being has around 60,000 thoughts per day. That's a lot of thoughts. Some of these thoughts are going to be positive and productive. Unfortunately, however, many of them are also going to be negative—angry, fearful, pessimistic, worrisome. Indeed, the important question isn't whether or not you're going to have negative thoughts — you are—it's what you choose to do with the ones that you have.
In a practical sense, you really have only two options when it comes to dealing with negative thoughts. You can analyze your thoughts —ponder, think through, study, think some more OR you can learn to ignore them—dismiss, pay less attention to, not take so seriously. This later option, learning to take your negative thoughts less seriously, is infinitely more effective in terms of learning to be more peaceful.
If you have a thought from your past, "I'm upset because he scolded me for no fault of mine" you can get into it, as many do, which will create inner turmoil for you. You can give the thought significance in your mind, and you'll convince yourself that you should indeed be unhappy. Or, you can recognize that your mind is about to create a mental snowball, and choose to dismiss the thought.
The same mental dynamic applies to thoughts of this morning, even five minutes ago. An argument that happened while you were walking out the door is no longer an actual argument; it's a thought in your mind. This dynamic also applies to future-oriented thoughts. You'll find, in all cases that if you ignore or dismiss a negative thought that fill your mind, you become more peaceful.
It has been estimated that the average human being has around 60,000 thoughts per day. That's a lot of thoughts. Some of these thoughts are going to be positive and productive. Unfortunately, however, many of them are also going to be negative—angry, fearful, pessimistic, worrisome. Indeed, the important question isn't whether or not you're going to have negative thoughts — you are—it's what you choose to do with the ones that you have.
In a practical sense, you really have only two options when it comes to dealing with negative thoughts. You can analyze your thoughts —ponder, think through, study, think some more OR you can learn to ignore them—dismiss, pay less attention to, not take so seriously. This later option, learning to take your negative thoughts less seriously, is infinitely more effective in terms of learning to be more peaceful.
If you have a thought from your past, "I'm upset because he scolded me for no fault of mine" you can get into it, as many do, which will create inner turmoil for you. You can give the thought significance in your mind, and you'll convince yourself that you should indeed be unhappy. Or, you can recognize that your mind is about to create a mental snowball, and choose to dismiss the thought.
The same mental dynamic applies to thoughts of this morning, even five minutes ago. An argument that happened while you were walking out the door is no longer an actual argument; it's a thought in your mind. This dynamic also applies to future-oriented thoughts. You'll find, in all cases that if you ignore or dismiss a negative thought that fill your mind, you become more peaceful.
In a practical sense, you really have only two options when it comes to dealing with negative thoughts. You can analyze your thoughts —ponder, think through, study, think some more OR you can learn to ignore them—dismiss, pay less attention to, not take so seriously. This later option, learning to take your negative thoughts less seriously, is infinitely more effective in terms of learning to be more peaceful.
If you have a thought from your past, "I'm upset because he scolded me for no fault of mine" you can get into it, as many do, which will create inner turmoil for you. You can give the thought significance in your mind, and you'll convince yourself that you should indeed be unhappy. Or, you can recognize that your mind is about to create a mental snowball, and choose to dismiss the thought.
The same mental dynamic applies to thoughts of this morning, even five minutes ago. An argument that happened while you were walking out the door is no longer an actual argument; it's a thought in your mind. This dynamic also applies to future-oriented thoughts. You'll find, in all cases that if you ignore or dismiss a negative thought that fill your mind, you become more peaceful.
It has been estimated that the average human being has around 60,000 thoughts per day. That's a lot of thoughts. Some of these thoughts are going to be positive and productive. Unfortunately, however, many of them are also going to be negative—angry, fearful, pessimistic, worrisome. Indeed, the important question isn't whether or not you're going to have negative thoughts — you are—it's what you choose to do with the ones that you have.
In a practical sense, you really have only two options when it comes to dealing with negative thoughts. You can analyze your thoughts —ponder, think through, study, think some more OR you can learn to ignore them—dismiss, pay less attention to, not take so seriously. This later option, learning to take your negative thoughts less seriously, is infinitely more effective in terms of learning to be more peaceful.
If you have a thought from your past, "I'm upset because he scolded me for no fault of mine" you can get into it, as many do, which will create inner turmoil for you. You can give the thought significance in your mind, and you'll convince yourself that you should indeed be unhappy. Or, you can recognize that your mind is about to create a mental snowball, and choose to dismiss the thought.
The same mental dynamic applies to thoughts of this morning, even five minutes ago. An argument that happened while you were walking out the door is no longer an actual argument; it's a thought in your mind. This dynamic also applies to future-oriented thoughts. You'll find, in all cases that if you ignore or dismiss a negative thought that fill your mind, you become more peaceful.
Gems of Wisdom - Your relationship to your problems
Obstacles and problems are a part of life. True happiness comes not when we get rid of all of our problems, but when we change our relationship to them, when we see our problems as a potential source of advancement in Krishna Consciousness, opportunities to practice patience, and to learn to depend on Krishna more and more.
Certainly some problems need to be solved. Many others, however, are problems we create for ourselves by struggling to make our life different than it actually is.
We can become more peaceful by understanding and accepting the inevitable dualities of life—the pain and pleasure, success and failure, joy and sorrow, births and deaths. Problems can teach us to be gracious, humble, and patient.
Problem and difficulties are considered to be so important to a life of growth. It is felt that when life is too easy, there are fewer opportunities for genuine growth.
When you spend less time running away from problems and trying to rid yourself of them— and more time accepting problems as an inevitable, natural, even important part of life—you will soon discover that life can be less of a battle.
Certainly some problems need to be solved. Many others, however, are problems we create for ourselves by struggling to make our life different than it actually is.
We can become more peaceful by understanding and accepting the inevitable dualities of life—the pain and pleasure, success and failure, joy and sorrow, births and deaths. Problems can teach us to be gracious, humble, and patient.
Problem and difficulties are considered to be so important to a life of growth. It is felt that when life is too easy, there are fewer opportunities for genuine growth.
When you spend less time running away from problems and trying to rid yourself of them— and more time accepting problems as an inevitable, natural, even important part of life—you will soon discover that life can be less of a battle.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Gems of Wisdom - Admit your mistakes and errors
One reason Hitler lost World War II was that he did not fully understand the situation. Bearers of bad news were punished. Soon no one dared tell him the truth. Not knowing the truth, he could not act appropriately.
Many of us are individually guilty of the same error. We do not like to admit to ourselves our mistakes, errors, shortcomings, or ever admit we have been in the wrong. And because we will not see the truth, we cannot act appropriately.
Someone has said that it is a good exercise to daily admit one painful fact about ourselves to ourselves.
Look for and seek out true information concerning yourself, your problems, other people, or situation, whether it is good news or bad news.
Adopt the motto – “It doesn’t matter who’s right, but what’s right.”
Admit your mistakes and errors but don’t cry over them. Correct them and go forward. In dealing with other people try to see the situation from their point of view as well as your own.
Many of us are individually guilty of the same error. We do not like to admit to ourselves our mistakes, errors, shortcomings, or ever admit we have been in the wrong. And because we will not see the truth, we cannot act appropriately.
Someone has said that it is a good exercise to daily admit one painful fact about ourselves to ourselves.
Look for and seek out true information concerning yourself, your problems, other people, or situation, whether it is good news or bad news.
Adopt the motto – “It doesn’t matter who’s right, but what’s right.”
Admit your mistakes and errors but don’t cry over them. Correct them and go forward. In dealing with other people try to see the situation from their point of view as well as your own.
Gems of Wisdom - Be graceful when you're feeling bad
The happiest person on earth isn't always happy. In fact, the happiest people all have their fair share of low moods, problems and disappointments. Often the difference between a person who is happy and someone who is unhappy is not how often they get low, or even how low they drop, but instead, it's what they do with their low moods.
Many people take their low moods very seriously and try to figure out and analyze what's wrong. They try to force themselves out of their low state, which tends to compound the problem rather than solve it.
Intelligent people understand that both positive and negative feelings come and go, and that there will come a time when they won't be feeling so good.
So, when they are feeling depressed, angry, or stressed out, they relate to these feelings with the same openness and wisdom. Rather than fight their feelings and panic simply because they are feeling bad, they accept their feelings, knowing that this too shall pass.
Rather than stumbling and fighting against their negative feelings, they are graceful in their acceptance of them. This allows them to come gently and gracefully out of negative feeling states into more positive states of mind.
The next time you're feeling bad, rather than fight it, try to relax. See if, instead of panicking, you can be graceful and calm. Know that if you don't fight your negative feelings, if you are graceful, they will pass away.
Many people take their low moods very seriously and try to figure out and analyze what's wrong. They try to force themselves out of their low state, which tends to compound the problem rather than solve it.
Intelligent people understand that both positive and negative feelings come and go, and that there will come a time when they won't be feeling so good.
So, when they are feeling depressed, angry, or stressed out, they relate to these feelings with the same openness and wisdom. Rather than fight their feelings and panic simply because they are feeling bad, they accept their feelings, knowing that this too shall pass.
Rather than stumbling and fighting against their negative feelings, they are graceful in their acceptance of them. This allows them to come gently and gracefully out of negative feeling states into more positive states of mind.
The next time you're feeling bad, rather than fight it, try to relax. See if, instead of panicking, you can be graceful and calm. Know that if you don't fight your negative feelings, if you are graceful, they will pass away.
Gems of Wisdom - Fact versus Opinions
Many times we create confusion when we add our own opinions to facts and come up with wrong conclusions.
For example:
FACT: Two people are whispering when you walk up. Suddenly they stop talking.
OPINION: They must be gossiping about me.
FACT: A new lady is appointed in my department.
OPINION: They will ask me to leave!
FACT: He has reported about me to authorities.
OPINION: They will blacklist me. I am now ruined & finished!
Many a times we tend to behave negatively due to our own adverse opinions. We feel people per se are hostile & unfriendly. We become anxious & fearful for no good reason in a situation which is relatively safe.
It is said: “Men are disturbed not by things that happen, but by their opinions of the things that happen.”
For example:
FACT: Two people are whispering when you walk up. Suddenly they stop talking.
OPINION: They must be gossiping about me.
FACT: A new lady is appointed in my department.
OPINION: They will ask me to leave!
FACT: He has reported about me to authorities.
OPINION: They will blacklist me. I am now ruined & finished!
Many a times we tend to behave negatively due to our own adverse opinions. We feel people per se are hostile & unfriendly. We become anxious & fearful for no good reason in a situation which is relatively safe.
It is said: “Men are disturbed not by things that happen, but by their opinions of the things that happen.”
Gems of Wisdom - Echo effect or Mirror effect
What kind of friends do you have? What kind of employees? What kind of colleagues? So many times in life we get from others EXACTLY WHAT WE EXPECT!
In short the way we see people affects the way we treat them and the way we treat them affects the way they perform. This is called Pygmalion Effect (sometimes called the “echo effect” or the “mirror effect”).
Expectations can influence behavior: therefore, a manager may get better staff performance if he expects better performance. What we see reflected in many objects, situations, or persons are what we put there with our own expectations. We create images of how things should be, and if these images are believed, they become self fulfilling prophecies.
The feelings and tones which surround us can be changed if we work to change them by sending out the kind of signal we want reflected or echoed. We all have an audience of individuals and colleagues whose day, including their moods, feelings, and dispositions, will be influenced by the way we start it.
The Pygmalion Effect has met the test of scientific analysis.
• A study showed that experiments could raise the IQ scores of children, especially on verbal and information sub-tests, merely by expecting them to do well.
• A study showed that worker performance increased markedly when the supervisor of these workers was told that his group showed a special potential for their particular job.
In short the way we see people affects the way we treat them and the way we treat them affects the way they perform. This is called Pygmalion Effect (sometimes called the “echo effect” or the “mirror effect”).
Expectations can influence behavior: therefore, a manager may get better staff performance if he expects better performance. What we see reflected in many objects, situations, or persons are what we put there with our own expectations. We create images of how things should be, and if these images are believed, they become self fulfilling prophecies.
The feelings and tones which surround us can be changed if we work to change them by sending out the kind of signal we want reflected or echoed. We all have an audience of individuals and colleagues whose day, including their moods, feelings, and dispositions, will be influenced by the way we start it.
The Pygmalion Effect has met the test of scientific analysis.
• A study showed that experiments could raise the IQ scores of children, especially on verbal and information sub-tests, merely by expecting them to do well.
• A study showed that worker performance increased markedly when the supervisor of these workers was told that his group showed a special potential for their particular job.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Gems of Wisdom - Our failures in human relations
Most of Our Failures in Human Relations are due to “misunderstandings”.
We expect other people to react and respond and come to the same conclusions as we do from a given set of “facts” or “circumstances.”
No one responds or reacts to “things as they are,” but to his own mental images. Most of the time, a person “understands” and interprets the situation differently from us. He is merely responding appropriately to what – to him – seems to be the truth about the situation.
Ask yourself:
“How does this appear to him?”
“How does he interpret this situation?”
“How does he feel about it?”
Try to understand why he might “act the way he does”
In dealing with other people try to see the situation from their point of view as well as your own.
We expect other people to react and respond and come to the same conclusions as we do from a given set of “facts” or “circumstances.”
No one responds or reacts to “things as they are,” but to his own mental images. Most of the time, a person “understands” and interprets the situation differently from us. He is merely responding appropriately to what – to him – seems to be the truth about the situation.
Ask yourself:
“How does this appear to him?”
“How does he interpret this situation?”
“How does he feel about it?”
Try to understand why he might “act the way he does”
In dealing with other people try to see the situation from their point of view as well as your own.
Gems of Wisdom - Annoyed with someone?
Many a times we find an excuse for our failure, we blame the society, unfair treatment, injustice etc. Resentment or bitterness is an attempt to make our own failure palatable. However, resentment is worst than a disease. It is a deadly poison which makes happiness impossible and drains tremendous amount of energy.
Resentment is also a “way” of making us feel important. Many people get a perverse satisfaction from the feeling “wronged.”
It is an illusion whereby a person thinks, if he can feel resentful / bitter enough, and thereby “prove” the injustice, some magical process will undo the event of circumstances which caused resentment. Resentment is a mental resistance to or non-acceptance of something which has already happened.
Resentment is an emotional re-fighting of some event in the past. You cannot win, because you are attempting to do the impossible – change the past.
Resentment, even when based upon real injustice and wrongs, is not the way to win. It soon becomes an emotional habit. Habitually feeling that you are a victim of injustice, you picture yourself as a victimized person.
Habitual resentment invariably leads to self-pity, which is worst possible emotional habit anyone can develop. A person begins to picture himself as a victim and results in inferior self-image.
As long as you harbor resentment / hatred, it is literally impossible for you to picture yourself as a self-reliant and determined person. Your resentment is not caused by other persons, events or circumstances. It is caused by your own emotional response – your own reaction. You can control it if you firmly convince yourself that resentment and self-pity are not ways of happiness and success, but ways to defeat and unhappiness.
Resentment is also a “way” of making us feel important. Many people get a perverse satisfaction from the feeling “wronged.”
It is an illusion whereby a person thinks, if he can feel resentful / bitter enough, and thereby “prove” the injustice, some magical process will undo the event of circumstances which caused resentment. Resentment is a mental resistance to or non-acceptance of something which has already happened.
Resentment is an emotional re-fighting of some event in the past. You cannot win, because you are attempting to do the impossible – change the past.
Resentment, even when based upon real injustice and wrongs, is not the way to win. It soon becomes an emotional habit. Habitually feeling that you are a victim of injustice, you picture yourself as a victimized person.
Habitual resentment invariably leads to self-pity, which is worst possible emotional habit anyone can develop. A person begins to picture himself as a victim and results in inferior self-image.
As long as you harbor resentment / hatred, it is literally impossible for you to picture yourself as a self-reliant and determined person. Your resentment is not caused by other persons, events or circumstances. It is caused by your own emotional response – your own reaction. You can control it if you firmly convince yourself that resentment and self-pity are not ways of happiness and success, but ways to defeat and unhappiness.
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