What kind of friends do you have? What kind of employees? What kind of colleagues? So many times in life we get from others EXACTLY WHAT WE EXPECT!
In short the way we see people affects the way we treat them and the way we treat them affects the way they perform. This is called Pygmalion Effect (sometimes called the “echo effect” or the “mirror effect”).
Expectations can influence behavior: therefore, a manager may get better staff performance if he expects better performance. What we see reflected in many objects, situations, or persons are what we put there with our own expectations. We create images of how things should be, and if these images are believed, they become self fulfilling prophecies.
The feelings and tones which surround us can be changed if we work to change them by sending out the kind of signal we want reflected or echoed. We all have an audience of individuals and colleagues whose day, including their moods, feelings, and dispositions, will be influenced by the way we start it.
The Pygmalion Effect has met the test of scientific analysis.
• A study showed that experiments could raise the IQ scores of children, especially on verbal and information sub-tests, merely by expecting them to do well.
• A study showed that worker performance increased markedly when the supervisor of these workers was told that his group showed a special potential for their particular job.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Gems of Wisdom - Our failures in human relations
Most of Our Failures in Human Relations are due to “misunderstandings”.
We expect other people to react and respond and come to the same conclusions as we do from a given set of “facts” or “circumstances.”
No one responds or reacts to “things as they are,” but to his own mental images. Most of the time, a person “understands” and interprets the situation differently from us. He is merely responding appropriately to what – to him – seems to be the truth about the situation.
Ask yourself:
“How does this appear to him?”
“How does he interpret this situation?”
“How does he feel about it?”
Try to understand why he might “act the way he does”
In dealing with other people try to see the situation from their point of view as well as your own.
We expect other people to react and respond and come to the same conclusions as we do from a given set of “facts” or “circumstances.”
No one responds or reacts to “things as they are,” but to his own mental images. Most of the time, a person “understands” and interprets the situation differently from us. He is merely responding appropriately to what – to him – seems to be the truth about the situation.
Ask yourself:
“How does this appear to him?”
“How does he interpret this situation?”
“How does he feel about it?”
Try to understand why he might “act the way he does”
In dealing with other people try to see the situation from their point of view as well as your own.
Gems of Wisdom - Annoyed with someone?
Many a times we find an excuse for our failure, we blame the society, unfair treatment, injustice etc. Resentment or bitterness is an attempt to make our own failure palatable. However, resentment is worst than a disease. It is a deadly poison which makes happiness impossible and drains tremendous amount of energy.
Resentment is also a “way” of making us feel important. Many people get a perverse satisfaction from the feeling “wronged.”
It is an illusion whereby a person thinks, if he can feel resentful / bitter enough, and thereby “prove” the injustice, some magical process will undo the event of circumstances which caused resentment. Resentment is a mental resistance to or non-acceptance of something which has already happened.
Resentment is an emotional re-fighting of some event in the past. You cannot win, because you are attempting to do the impossible – change the past.
Resentment, even when based upon real injustice and wrongs, is not the way to win. It soon becomes an emotional habit. Habitually feeling that you are a victim of injustice, you picture yourself as a victimized person.
Habitual resentment invariably leads to self-pity, which is worst possible emotional habit anyone can develop. A person begins to picture himself as a victim and results in inferior self-image.
As long as you harbor resentment / hatred, it is literally impossible for you to picture yourself as a self-reliant and determined person. Your resentment is not caused by other persons, events or circumstances. It is caused by your own emotional response – your own reaction. You can control it if you firmly convince yourself that resentment and self-pity are not ways of happiness and success, but ways to defeat and unhappiness.
Resentment is also a “way” of making us feel important. Many people get a perverse satisfaction from the feeling “wronged.”
It is an illusion whereby a person thinks, if he can feel resentful / bitter enough, and thereby “prove” the injustice, some magical process will undo the event of circumstances which caused resentment. Resentment is a mental resistance to or non-acceptance of something which has already happened.
Resentment is an emotional re-fighting of some event in the past. You cannot win, because you are attempting to do the impossible – change the past.
Resentment, even when based upon real injustice and wrongs, is not the way to win. It soon becomes an emotional habit. Habitually feeling that you are a victim of injustice, you picture yourself as a victimized person.
Habitual resentment invariably leads to self-pity, which is worst possible emotional habit anyone can develop. A person begins to picture himself as a victim and results in inferior self-image.
As long as you harbor resentment / hatred, it is literally impossible for you to picture yourself as a self-reliant and determined person. Your resentment is not caused by other persons, events or circumstances. It is caused by your own emotional response – your own reaction. You can control it if you firmly convince yourself that resentment and self-pity are not ways of happiness and success, but ways to defeat and unhappiness.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Gems of Wisdom - Think of your problems as potential teachers
Most people would agree that one of the greatest sources of stress in our lives is our problems. To a certain degree this is true. A more accurate assessment, however, is that the amount of stress we feel has more to do with how we relate to our problems than it does with the problems themselves. In other words, how much of a problem do we make our problems?
Problems come in many shapes, sizes, and degrees of seriousness, but all have one thing in common: They present us with something that we wish were different. The more we struggle with our problems and the more we want them to go away, the worse they seem and the more stress they cause us.
Ironically, and luckily, the opposite is also true. When we accept our problems as an inevitable part of life, when we look at them as potential teachers, it's as if a weight has been lifted off our shoulders.
Think of a problem that you have struggled with for quite some time. How have you dealt with this problem up until now? If you're like most, you've probably struggled with it, mentally rehearsed it, analyzed it again and again, but have come up short. Where has this entire struggle led you? Probably it has led to even more confusion and stress.
Now think of the same problem in a new way. Rather than trying to push away the problem and resist it, try to embrace it. Ask yourself what valuable lesson(s) this problem might be able to teach you. Problems can teach us to depend on Krishna more & more!
Problems come in many shapes, sizes, and degrees of seriousness, but all have one thing in common: They present us with something that we wish were different. The more we struggle with our problems and the more we want them to go away, the worse they seem and the more stress they cause us.
Ironically, and luckily, the opposite is also true. When we accept our problems as an inevitable part of life, when we look at them as potential teachers, it's as if a weight has been lifted off our shoulders.
Think of a problem that you have struggled with for quite some time. How have you dealt with this problem up until now? If you're like most, you've probably struggled with it, mentally rehearsed it, analyzed it again and again, but have come up short. Where has this entire struggle led you? Probably it has led to even more confusion and stress.
Now think of the same problem in a new way. Rather than trying to push away the problem and resist it, try to embrace it. Ask yourself what valuable lesson(s) this problem might be able to teach you. Problems can teach us to depend on Krishna more & more!
Gems of Wisdom - Worrying yourself to death
When it comes to stress, illness and wellness, it is important to remember that what goes on in your mind is reflected in your body.
People who continually worry and get stressed about their problems tend to develop tense muscles, become tired easily or get headaches. When their mind is stressed, their body becomes stressed too.
Dwelling on your mistakes and over-analyzing what could go wrong or what you could have done differently only drains your energy and distracts you from what you have to do.
Worrying only uses up energy and doesn’t really help your situation. Like acid, worry will just eat you away if you let it into your life each day.
There are endless things you can worry about…service, safety, health, future, etc.
But let’s face it:
Worry doesn’t change the situation
Worry won’t help time move any quicker
Worry won’t help you with your service
Worry just doesn’t help in any way…
So don’t do it!
People who continually worry and get stressed about their problems tend to develop tense muscles, become tired easily or get headaches. When their mind is stressed, their body becomes stressed too.
Dwelling on your mistakes and over-analyzing what could go wrong or what you could have done differently only drains your energy and distracts you from what you have to do.
Worrying only uses up energy and doesn’t really help your situation. Like acid, worry will just eat you away if you let it into your life each day.
There are endless things you can worry about…service, safety, health, future, etc.
But let’s face it:
Worry doesn’t change the situation
Worry won’t help time move any quicker
Worry won’t help you with your service
Worry just doesn’t help in any way…
So don’t do it!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Gems of Wisdom - What are others trying to teach me?
The people you meet are all here to teach you something. Perhaps the angry donor or disrespectful employee is here to teach you about patience.
Your job is to try to determine what the people in your life are trying to teach you. You'll find that if you do this, you'll be far less annoyed, bothered, and frustrated by the actions and imperfections of other people. You can actually get yourself in the habit of approaching life in this manner and, if you do, you'll be glad you did.
Often, once you discover what someone is trying to teach you, it's easy to let go of your frustration. For example, suppose you're in the post office and the postal clerk appears to be intentionally moving slowly. Rather than feeling frustrated, ask yourself the question, "What is he trying to teach me?" Maybe you need to learn about compassion—how hard it would be to have a job that you don't like. Or perhaps you could learn a little more about being patient. Standing in line is an excellent opportunity to break your habit of feeling impatient.
All you're really doing is changing your perception from "Why are they doing this?" to "What are they trying to teach me?"
Your job is to try to determine what the people in your life are trying to teach you. You'll find that if you do this, you'll be far less annoyed, bothered, and frustrated by the actions and imperfections of other people. You can actually get yourself in the habit of approaching life in this manner and, if you do, you'll be glad you did.
Often, once you discover what someone is trying to teach you, it's easy to let go of your frustration. For example, suppose you're in the post office and the postal clerk appears to be intentionally moving slowly. Rather than feeling frustrated, ask yourself the question, "What is he trying to teach me?" Maybe you need to learn about compassion—how hard it would be to have a job that you don't like. Or perhaps you could learn a little more about being patient. Standing in line is an excellent opportunity to break your habit of feeling impatient.
All you're really doing is changing your perception from "Why are they doing this?" to "What are they trying to teach me?"
Gems of Wisdom - Stop blaming others
Blaming has become extremely common in our culture. On a personal level, it has led us to believe that we are never completely responsible for our own actions, problems, or happiness. When we are in the habit of blaming others, we will blame others for our anger, frustration, depression, stress, and unhappiness.
In terms of personal happiness, you cannot be peaceful while at the same time blaming others. Surely there are times when other people and/or circumstances contribute to our problems, but it is we who must rise to the occasion and take responsibility for our own happiness.
As an experiment, notice what happens when you stop blaming others for anything and everything in your life. This doesn't mean you don't hold people accountable for their actions, but that you hold yourself accountable for your own happiness and for your reactions to other people and the circumstances around you.
Blaming others takes an enormous amount of mental energy. It's a "drag-me-down" mind-set that creates stress and disease. Blaming makes you feel powerless over your own life because your happiness is dependent on the actions and behavior of others, which you can't control.
When you stop blaming others, you will regain your sense of personal power. You will see yourself as a choice maker. You will know that when you are upset, you are playing a key role in the creation of your own feelings. This means that you can also play a key role in creating new, more positive feelings. Life is easier to manage when you stop blaming others.
In terms of personal happiness, you cannot be peaceful while at the same time blaming others. Surely there are times when other people and/or circumstances contribute to our problems, but it is we who must rise to the occasion and take responsibility for our own happiness.
As an experiment, notice what happens when you stop blaming others for anything and everything in your life. This doesn't mean you don't hold people accountable for their actions, but that you hold yourself accountable for your own happiness and for your reactions to other people and the circumstances around you.
Blaming others takes an enormous amount of mental energy. It's a "drag-me-down" mind-set that creates stress and disease. Blaming makes you feel powerless over your own life because your happiness is dependent on the actions and behavior of others, which you can't control.
When you stop blaming others, you will regain your sense of personal power. You will see yourself as a choice maker. You will know that when you are upset, you are playing a key role in the creation of your own feelings. This means that you can also play a key role in creating new, more positive feelings. Life is easier to manage when you stop blaming others.
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